Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
