Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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