We're facebook friends in real life
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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