I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
