That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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