I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sobbing to NWA
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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