don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
