Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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