Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
