dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
