You're so nebulous sometimes
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
