shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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