i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
