The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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