Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
