worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
