You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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