Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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