Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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