There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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