i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
