apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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