i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
