hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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