I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
