it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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