Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize