my vag is so smooth its legendary
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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