I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
