i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
