You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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