hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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