im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
