I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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