It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
