Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
