I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
