Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
