if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
