You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His hands were made for my vagina.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
