May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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