so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
