I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
