oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
