I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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