I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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