do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
