Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
