I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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