im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
