Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
