They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we made out on top of his cat.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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