I wish I could punch you in the face.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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