he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They are going to name an STD after you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
