If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
