Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
