i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
