Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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