Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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