So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
