RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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