Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
