I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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