dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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