The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
