You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
